We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
