You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
