ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
