low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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