had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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