you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
