Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
