Someone shit on the floor
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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