seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
