First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
