Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
