I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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