I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
