Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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