I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
