My room smells like vodka and shame
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
