I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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