Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
