I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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