I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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