piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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