Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
