we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
