Your face is a jimmy john
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
and you fell through a lawn chair
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
