Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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