I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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