After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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