what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
