I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
