I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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