Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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