it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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