woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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