My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
