so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is the high leading the old right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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