vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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