Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
