I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
