so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
