I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
