Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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