Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
