if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
