He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
