it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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