its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
