I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
