did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
