oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
