oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I touched a dick in church today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
