Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
